It would have been nice. This day was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. I already imagined this day to be perfect. To be filled with smiles, love, and melodious laugh. It did. I can see their pearly whites and lips forming like crescent moons. I can hear their glee escaping from their mouth. I can feel the warmth and sincerity as they sing and greet me.
But you were never there.
I tried to look my best today just for you. I remembered how I hate dolling up to impress people. How I only wear pajamas during my day while most of the visitors are all glammed up as if they’re the celebrant.
I gave a small smile as they stare at me while I climb down the stairs. I looked around the crowd, hoping that you would be here. I spotted your friends on the side of the room so I got excited, thinking that you were also there. But you weren’t. I asked them where you are, but even they don’t know where you are. Sensing my disappointment by the news, one of them tried to cheer me up. Telling me empty promises that I knew I would regret if I believed, but I did. I listened. I trusted.
Throughout that day, I mingled with the people inside the house. They saw me smiling, nodding at every word they say, but my mind was wandering. Wondering where you are. Thinking what could have held you up. Made up excuses to console myself, but I ended up excusing myself from the people around me.
I walked towards the kitchen and filled up the void you’ve left and caused, but it never reached the brim. Instead, the pain-filled tears started to escape. I tried to wipe them away but they always kept coming like the possibility of you leaving me.
The bathroom wasn’t far so I locked myself inside as I let my hopes go down the drain as I realized you won’t be coming. As I was enlightened with the negative optimism your friends made to cheer me up.
A knock sounded on the door. Your friends’ voices overlapped each other, asking me if I was fine. That everything will be fine. And that made my heart throbbed even more.
For the last time, I hoped. Hoping that you would be here. Hoping to hear your voice saying you’re here. That you never meant to arrive late. But the only noise I could hear from outside was everybody’s concerns.
I was so happy. I had my hopes up. I got too excited. Only for it to be wrecked and erased by you, not existing in this very place right now.
You were supposed to be here. But I know now everything’s over.
Zeen 